Onward...Forward...

Even though April was our 7th month TTC it was the farthest thing from "lucky #7".  In fact, it was one of the worse months I've endured in several years. The fact that we weren't successful this month is minimal in the scheme of things. By the end of April, my wish was not to get to be a mom again, rather to just be the best mom I could be to my amazing little boy.

After being blessed for the first two years of his life with such a healthy baby when one thing after another goes bad it's like having the rug pulled out right from underneath ya. Not being able to make the pain go away is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. My priority prayer request has become the health of my son. My focus, now more then ever, is him.

May is always a month that I look forward to. Not only is Spring usually here for sure by May but it's a month of new beginnings. This year, the month of May brings me to my 3 year anniversary of being married to my best friend. May also brings Mother's Day...which is by far my most treasured holiday.

I will continue to pray to God for Him to bless us with another child and know that in His time, He will answer our prayer. I pray that He guides me to be the best mom I can be. And that He protects me and my family through everything we encounter. I am so thankful for everything He has already blessed me with.

A friend of mine shared this poem with me and it couldn't be more true.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."