Customer Service

Wow...is really all I can say. I'm in a state of shock.

As I have posted before, when I test with OPKs or HPTs I use the Wondfo test that I buy off Amazon. I lurk from time to time on the TTC forum on The Bump. Through  my lurking I learned that there was a bad 'batch' of HPTs from Wondfo. Some people were getting false negatives and some were getting false positives...YIKES!! I went to check my stash and sure enough I was 'lucky' enough to have the bad batch. Well I didn't want to deal with the mental obsession of wondering if the tests were right so I contacted Wondfo regarding my concern.

Well today, via FedEx I received this...for FREE!!!
(10) strips
(20) cassettes

I couldn't believe it. All they asked is that I test each kind, take a picture of the result and email it to them.

These test are so reasonably priced already I would have never guessed they would do something like this. It makes me really think about the age old saying, "You get what you pay for", which obviously doesn't apply to this situation.

So before I step off my soap box for the day, maybe keep this in mind before you go and buy HPTs (or OPKs for that matter) at Wal-Mart. I'm pretty sure customer service like this is not practiced by very many companies.

Disappointment...

Well here I am...CD2. Another month behind me. Another month to try. This month was extra disappointing because everything was saying "YES" on my chart. Yet, God said, "NO". My chart was almost text book positive...it was triphasic (a triphasic chart shows three levels of temperatures: pre-ovulation, post-ovulation, and then a second rise around 7-10 days after ovulation) and actual symptoms, not just 'phantom symptoms'.  I'm so mad at myself for letting my guard down and getting excited. Doing so only made the disappoint that much harder to deal with.

I keep telling myself maybe we need to take a break...but who am I kidding. NO WAY am I giving up. No matter how hard month after month of disappointment is, my desire to bring another child into this world is greater and stronger then all the disappointment. It is my faith that has brought me through all the ups and downs I've experienced in my life...and it is my faith that will bring me through this too.

I always try to think of something positive in every situation so here's my positive spin on this situation. When I got pregnant with Ethan, I stopped taking my BCP and had got my period on May 26, 2009 and on June 21st we got our BFP! So here we are 3 years later and I start my period on May 27th. Maybe it's just God's plan for our kids to have birthdays within a few days of each other. Ethan was 2 weeks early but a lot of times the 2nd child comes sooner then the EDD, so it could be very possible that they would have birthdays very close. What would be really crazy, is if we were blessed with another child this month, they too came 2 weeks early and were born on 2/21/13...not only would my kids be 3 years and 1 day apart but my dad would have 4 grand kids with birthdays right in a row that month (2/18, 2/19, 2/20 & then 2/21). Oh how funny that would be! :)  I'm a hopeful optimist and I'm also an OCD planner, so these thoughts just come naturally.

A girl can hope and dream...

Anxiety Builds...

It's been awhile since my last post but I've been trying to keep myself busy. I've tried not to think to much about all the details of the TTC journey; the timing, the symptoms, the 'what ifs'; the meds; the temps; the tests; etc. I've done fairly well. ::pats self on back:: So, instead I've been spending time organizing this and that around the house; playing outside in the beautiful weather with my lil man; being more compassionate with my best friend/hubby, and really putting into perspective the things that are important to me. Not to mention being so thankful for all the wonderful blessings I've been given.

My organization led me to Ethan's room and sorting through clothes that no longer fit or are now out of season. As I was going through his closet I came across a few 'big brother' items I have already purchased for him, but had tucked away. I just sat in the middle of his room, crying and loosing all control. I had done so good and then BOOM my mind was going crazy. What if this is our month; what fun way would we tell everyone; analyzing every symptom I've been having but brushing off; how I would explain to Ethan that he would be a big brother; what would we do with all the stuff in the spare bedroom. So much excitement came flooding over me. The anxiety soon took over my body. I'm handling this month so differently then the previous, but I guess when you have your heart broken for 7 months in a row you get use to the let down. As always, I am hopeful and cautiously optimistic but I'm also reminding myself that this too could be like 6 of the past 7 months. I've come to terms with that and know if not today, then someday...that's what faith is all about.

Now that I've allowed myself to acknowledge the symptoms I've been having, I'm anxious for the weekend. Between our outstanding timing, amazingly good CM (which mind you was all natural...I didn't take anything for it. YAHOO!! You may remember I stated in my last entry that I purchased the pre-seed...well it was delivered the day after I ovulated so it didn't do any good this month.) and positive symptoms that include crazy sore boobies, random cramping off and on since 'O' and extreme exhaustion...my hopes are extra high this month. :) Only time will tell...


Here is a song that we sang at church on Sunday and it really hit home with me. Enjoy!

Room to breathe...

We are now eight months into this journey and the helplessness is really setting in. I have the "WHY" conversation with God on a daily basis. I just don't understand. It's nearly impossible to not feel like a failure. I can slowly feel the depression creeping in. I know we are doing everything we can possibly do, but it doesn't make it any easier.

This month I have been much more laid back in the fact of telling my self it's ok to just let go for a few days. So, today was the first time in a week that I have taken my temp. It was never really that much of a bother but we were away from home for a few days and I didn't want to have to worry about stressing if the change in schedule or sleeping arrangements were affecting my temps. Yet, today they seemed higher then normal and I've had weird twinges going on and I'm mentally obsessed with 'why'. I also haven't taken all the supplements to help with CM. I will begin taking the "Fertile CM" supplement tonight, because it helps with preparing the uterine lining. Instead, I ordered preseed, so we shall see if it's worth the darn $20 it cost.

Today was mine and my amazing husband's 3rd anniversary. Our relationship didn't start out easy either...it was kinda complicated. Hubby is still on vacation and we had nothing planned today, which I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend the day. Even though Ethan rolled into the wall at 5 am and bumped his head causing him to wake up, I didn't mind. Was I ready to get up at 5 am...umm no...but it was great to have him laying next to me on the couch, slowly drifting off back to sleep. I have already been given the greatest gift ever and even though on this journey I have bad days I still know it's worth it. It's worth all the frustration, it's worth all the tears, it's worth all the "practice", it's worth all hopes and dreams. No matter how long my journey, it will all be worth it. I can't wait to someday be blessed with another child and be able to look into their eyes and tell them..."You were worth it all"!!

Onward...Forward...

Even though April was our 7th month TTC it was the farthest thing from "lucky #7".  In fact, it was one of the worse months I've endured in several years. The fact that we weren't successful this month is minimal in the scheme of things. By the end of April, my wish was not to get to be a mom again, rather to just be the best mom I could be to my amazing little boy.

After being blessed for the first two years of his life with such a healthy baby when one thing after another goes bad it's like having the rug pulled out right from underneath ya. Not being able to make the pain go away is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. My priority prayer request has become the health of my son. My focus, now more then ever, is him.

May is always a month that I look forward to. Not only is Spring usually here for sure by May but it's a month of new beginnings. This year, the month of May brings me to my 3 year anniversary of being married to my best friend. May also brings Mother's Day...which is by far my most treasured holiday.

I will continue to pray to God for Him to bless us with another child and know that in His time, He will answer our prayer. I pray that He guides me to be the best mom I can be. And that He protects me and my family through everything we encounter. I am so thankful for everything He has already blessed me with.

A friend of mine shared this poem with me and it couldn't be more true.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."