Success...and failure

I can't believe it's already the end of July. Where did the last thirty days go? Crazy!

This month I challenged myself to 30 days of working out my thighs. My intention was to continue some ab exercises also, but that's where "failure" comes in. To me the most important part was working out my legs and by the time I finished those exercises, I didn't feel much like doing anything else. Mainly because my legs were like jell-o. There were a few days that I did planks. I gave up sooner then I should have but maintained a minimum 90 second plank every time. As you will be able to see, the result of my 'failure' resulted in loosing definition in my abs.  I'm not doing any of this to get "ripped", but I am frustrated with myself for loosing ground on what I worked so hard to gain.

Another area that I failed in, is the darn scale. UGH!! For whatever reason, I drag myself on it every day...thinking it will be different then the day before. Again...I haven't changed my eating habits at all since I started this journey. I still have the same ole eating habits as before. Even when I wasn't exercising at all the scale was consistent. I believed that working out would be the difference is lowering the number. Well, last month I gained a little weight. Sure enough, this month, I gained weight again. Here's the frustrating part...if you look at my weight on June 30th vs. July 30th, I'm actually down one pound. However, in the middle of the month, I was five pounds lighter then I ended up being at the end of the month. I know, I should be celebrating the small things, in the fact that I did "lose" weight but in the scheme of things...it should have been more.

Phew...I'm going to 'verbalize' this and it is so hard to say and admit "out loud". I am still nursing my 17 month old son. I love it. I treasure it and am savoring the moments that will end much sooner then I want them too...just because he is growing up too fast. My husband (jokingly) gives me a hard time about it...all the time. Telling me I'm doing it more for myself then for our son. There's a lot more truth to that statement then he even knows. The truth of the matter is...fear. Fear in myself. Fear in old habits. Fear of not having the strength. Fear of my eating disorder. I can try to sugar coat it and deny it until I'm blue in the face but at the end of the day...that's what it is. Not in the sense that I would wither away to nothing. Not a chance...I like food to much for that to happen. But, in the past if I ever wanted to lose weight I just wouldn't eat. I would eat enough to get by...like one meal a day...but nothing like what a grown healthy woman should. By nursing, I know I can't do that. It's about someone else. Someone else who is relying on me. I have to have those calories to provide nourishment for my baby. Without that duty, if you will, I fear falling back into my old mindset.  I'm enjoying working out and I look forward to it, so I pray daily that it will help me focus my energy and thoughts to achieve the end result...the healthy way!

Legs ended up being harder then I originally anticipated. After the first week, I thought it was going to be a breeze. Wrong! Like I said, my thighs were like jello-o. One night, about a week ago, after my routine, I went into the basement...I didn't know if I was going to make it back up the stairs. lol. I took pictures, of course, and have mixed feelings. I don't really see any results. I'm guessing it's because I had such high expectations, from the great results last month. My husband disagrees with me and says he can see a difference. After much studying, maybe I can see a little change but not the amount that I wanted. I took two different pictures on July 1st...one in capri's and one in shorts. I thought the capri's would show results better, but I don't think they did.

This is also July 1st vs. July 30th

I also thought I would include a June 1st vs. July 30th picture as well.

At lease I'm not back where I started. ;)

I decided since the last two months were successful, in the sense that I finished what I started, I decided to increase my challenge. I will be doing a 90 day full body challenge. I think changing it up will be good. Now that I've proven to myself that I can do it, I'm excited to add the challenge of mixing up body parts. I will update throughout the next 90 days and will keep you  posted.

The journey continues...

A new me

I haven't felt much like blogging in the past year but I've been itching to get back into it. It now will consist of life lessons I've experienced. It is my hope that those who read my blog will feel enlightened or at least come away knowing you aren't alone and it's never to late to better yourself. Some posts may be in reference to soul searching or me just putting out there the good days and the bad. From hormonal moments to parenting issues. Some posts will touch base with my journey to a better me...whether it be lifestyle, spiritual or mental change.

So here's my first post. It will consist of my journey to start exercising.

Back in May I was scrolling my news feed on Facebook and saw where someone was "attending an event". The event was a 30-day ab challenge, starting June 1st. I decided meh...I'll give it a try. I have never been one to stick with any exercise routine. I always start off strong and then fade after a few days. This time was different. I was ready. I really wanted to do this. I began to talk to my hubby about it and told him I was hoping to loose 10 pounds during the 30 days. He is much more realistic about things and he was super supportive. He said you can do it but 10 pounds is a lot for one month, especially considering I had done zero exercising in over a year. I thought about what he said and decided that I wouldn't stress about the scale. That was it...decision made. I would do this...and I would finish it!!

I decided I wanted to take a before and after picture. I am a visual person so I figured if I could compare pictures along the way and could see results it would give me more reason to stick with it. I would recommend it to anyone. As disgusted as you may feel doing it, you will be glad you did. And there will be no going back to take it later. I have decided to share my before picture. It is not pretty but it is reality. It's the result of two babies and very little activity.

Day One | June 1, 2014

I didn't have huge expectations. I really just wanted to finish what I started. To prove to myself that I could. I was constantly fighting the urge to take another picture. I didn't want to take a picture to soon and not see any change. I was dealing with my cycle shortly after beginning, so a week into it there was bloating and I definitely didn't want to capture that. So I waited thirteen days. I couldn't believe it. There was actual change. It was a huge boost to my self esteem. I was so driven and determined and convinced I could totally finish it. I couldn't wait to see what I would look like at the end of 30 days. Of course the hubby was so supportive. He knows how easy I give up, so to have him cheering me on was a huge help. I even got to the point of doing my exercises with him in the room. He did at one point have to remind me to put my butt down while doing a plank but he was so sweet about it. I believe his actual words were, "When we had to do planks in the academy, we had to keep our body in a straight line." I said, that's what I'm doing. He then proceeded to show me what I was supposed to do and what I was actually doing. lol. He was totally right. I could definitely feel the burn when I did it the right way.

I am a creature of habit. I want to be realistic about my journey. I don't want to get overwhelmed and I don't want to set unrealistic goals. I know myself and I know that making drastic changes will only lead to me throwing in the towel and becoming discouraged. With that in mind, that is why I choose to just focus on the "one" body part. It was the best decision I could have made for myself. I also don't do well with "you can't". So I already do not over indulge in food so I didn't want to limit myself as to what I could and couldn't eat. I have maintained the same "diet" as I always have. Three balanced meals and a snack before bed. I am horrible about staying hydrated too. So, yes, I enjoyed an evening snack of Doritos's. I know if I cut them out and would eat fruit instead I would see more results. Baby steps. :) In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my cheesy snack.

The past 30 days went by so fast. In just these thirty short days, exercise has become something that I look forward to. I don't do much for myself, so I have developed a passion for it. I love that my own efforts are making the change. I don't have to rely on anyone or any machine to physically help me. Just me, my mind and my muscles. Very empowering! I would say to anyone who doesn't think they could do it. Surprise yourself...and just do it. I did my exercises while watching my guilty pleasures on TV. Since I shared my before picture it was a no brain er to share my after picture. I am by no means perfect and I have lots of room for improvement but I am so happy with the results...in just 30 short days!

Day 30 | June 30, 2014

I hope someone out there can be inspired and motivated to better themselves. You can do it!

Here's a side by side comparison:

Now that I have this new drive for a better me, I have decided to keep it going. For the month of July, I have decided to work on my legs. I will continue to keep up my ab workout but will be focusing 90% of my efforts on my legs...specifically my thighs. I look forward to sharing my results at the end of the month. Stay tuned. :)

The journey continues...