Tested...

My heart is heavy and I am relying on my faith more then ever right now. Everything has always gone smoothly, with this pregnancy and with Ethan, so when we received unexpected news, my heart just dropped. As a mom, it is my job to protect my babies and right now I feel like I'm failing, or rather my womb is failing.

We went to our appointment on Wednesday, at 35 weeks. After my last appointment and already dilating, my mind started racing with 'must do's'. Since we are delivery at a different hospital this time, it's like going through this for the first time...so many unknowns. So I took my trusty steno pad with my list of questions, concerns and delivery expectations all written out. Thinking I had everything covered, I was so shaken when she advised she wanted me to have another ultrasound.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to see our sweet boy again before he makes his arrival but not because there is a concern. The Dr. pulled out her measuring tape and readjusted several times. She started pressing around on my belly and then measured again...and again..and again. She then said you are measuring behind and we need to get another ultrasound to check and make sure everything is ok. She said Elliott and really low so that is more then likely why but she wants to make sure. She then pulled out the doppler and his heart rate was much slower then normal. My heart just sank. I was completely caught off guard. He has been so active I never in a million years expected there to be a problem.

I was so confused as to how he could be measuring on target up until this point and now all of a sudden he's not. Well, it could be several different things: (a) he's low in my pelvis (this option gets my vote), (b) my fluid is low, due to placenta issues, (c) he's not growing at the expected rate, which could be caused my cord issues.

I am doing my best to give my worry and concern over to the Lord. I would be lying if I didn't say I have spent several hours crying but I'm proud to say I have spent more hours praying. I know it is through the prayers and my faith that I am getting through this. I know there are much worse things that could occur and there are mothers who have been through so much more but for me this is a big deal. I am grateful the Lord does not discriminate, yet instead He loves and heals all...equally.

After some discussion, my Dr. wanted to check me. I have been praying like crazy for things not to change and progress until after Ethan's birthday party. She said I was still at 1cm but I was now 70% effaced. Oh boy, more anxiety. With Ethan, my doctor checked me and I was 3 cm and 70%...then less than 12 hours later I was in active labor. She did say my cervix was still posterior but that it could change in a matter of hours or stay that way for weeks. I'm hoping for the 'weeks' option. :)

In the meantime I will follow the doctor's orders and take it easy and drink more fluids. I am excited about seeing our lil man next week.

Any and all prayers are appreciated.